The BP Oil Spill is a Blessing

Few things make me as ill as the desecration of wildlife.

However, this catastrophe may be a blessing, in that it will illuminate the innate corruption of our representatives.

The US Government is to blame for this disaster – BP is simply a parasitic twin with a black card (pun indented).

Our representatives essentially rapine pillaged the fuck out of the Gulf of Mexico and disguised their transgressions with ‘executive privilege’ as they covered up the inner workings of the secret energy task force.

The Bobby Jindal and the Minerals Management Service were for sale, scumbag senators sold the drilling rights, and Halliburton poured the concrete.

One of the most important ecosystems on Earth was irreparably damaged, thousands have lost their livelihoods, and millions of gallons of some shit called Corexit was dumped into the ocean without fully understanding its effects on wildlife and humans. Yeah, with a name like Corexit, it must be environmentally friendly.

While this is a great tragedy that is bound to get worse, I take solace in knowing that perhaps this will light a fire under the asses of the goaded masses, forcing them to realize that they have been on the receiving end of arcane capitalist rape for the past hundred years. But, it probably won’t. 

Pink sky at night is a sailor's delight.

Sent via BlackBerry® from AIS

The Delusion of Democracy

Impoverished people around the world have killed, died, and sacrificed everything for democracy. Another clever word for what is essentially mob rule – democracy is a means of keeping the herded masses content. The plebs think they have a say in what ‘their’ government is doing when in reality there is a class – commonly referred to in academia as the elites (the monied few) – that are the real deciders.

But what forms the impecunious masses’ perspective of this ambiguous ideology? 

Perhaps, it is that ‘shining city upon a hill’ the illuminated symbol of democracy – the United States of America. But is there a more perfect example of why democracy is a fallacy, a cleverly crafted means of plebian appeasement? Endless corruption, an ultra-violent foreign policy, class division – the key ingredients of the American brand of democracy. Is this really what people want when they seek democracy? 

Democracy – in the case of America – is fascism or the perfect merger of corporation and state. The military industrial complex profits from a belligerent foreign policy, pharmaceutical companies profit from lax regulation, and the energy industry profits from a combination of the aforementioned – all at the expense of the common folk.

Fascism is disguised in the shroud of democracy – why die for an ideological false prophet in the fight between two factions of aristocracy? Accept your place in the social order and be thankful for what you have – then unite society as one, roast the bones of the elites in the ashes of the proverbial senate house, and repeat every century or so. 

The Revolution – American Style

This musing is in no way calling for and or supporting the use of violence.

As an American, I have been brainwashed since birth to be ultra-nationalistic with a penchant for psychotic violence. Born in the heat of the Reagan years, I grew up amid the tension of the Cold War, Oliver North, and the first invasion of Iraq. Only 26-years on, and I’ve lived through three formal wars, numerous clandestine incursions, and a plethora of aerial bombardments, all brought to me live via the journalistic expertise of CNN.

During my younger and more naïve years, I was appalled by war and everything related to it. Now, as a seasoned adult that has been thoroughly soaked in the modern media’s collage of death, I’ve come to appreciate the capabilities of violence. Violence gets shit done – from the provocation of the US Empire to the cowering of entire populations.

Today, I find myself in a country racked by political upheaval and can’t help but to scratch my head at the tactics of the proletariat. They honestly believe a smattering of donated blood will push mass political change that causes the bourgeoisie to retreat from the halls of power? No, this isn’t Gandhi’s peaceful rebellion that eroded British rule; this is an attempt to topple a caste system that has been in place for centuries.

Yet, we find the proletariat rallying behind a despicable bourgeoisie figurehead. Reds, I’m sorry, but the revolution is doomed to fail, lest you dump your shallow notions of democracy and pick up both the pen and the sword.          

It's another beautiful day in BKK.

Sent via BlackBerry® from AIS

Facebook, Twitter, and the Fall of Thought

Modern technology truly is a blessing. We can communicate with loved ones from halfway around the world, look up any factoid at will, and accomplish a multitude of other mind numbing feats.

However, one has to wonder what has been lost. The great thinkers, prior to modern marketing techniques, must have been so much more focused. Imagine no internet, mobile phones, television. Not such a bad thought.

If Tolstoy was twittering would War and Peace ever have been written? What if Dostoyevsky was too busy updating his Facebook status to pen Crime and Punishment?

Are we living in the era of anti-thought? It seems as though there are so many stimuli in the digital world that we don’t have to think anymore. We chew and swallow. Consume and digest.

Defying Death Before Taking A Dump

An average day for me in Bangkok is, well, not so average. I begin my day completing the three Ss' (Shit-Shower-Shave; minus the first one, that comes later). I'm required by time constraints to accomplish this feat in less than 20-minutes, which is trying, but essential. Otherwise, I'll be forced to endure a balls deep subway ride in a pool of human flesh, some of which permeates animal byproduct stank. Although, I also occasionally enjoy an inadvertent uni-girl groping.

A quick moto ride to the subway station, a quick smoke, and a saunter through an open air market, brings me to the subway. The subway ride usually lasts 10-mins. Then, the quickest way to work is of course another moto ride. There are two places from which to catch a ride. One is usually 15 people deep, under a shanty, and I'm usually the only male. The other is on a curb with only a few people in line. Thank god I discovered this god send.

This ride is relatively fucking psychotic compared to the first one. Imagine eight lanes of grid locked traffic, flowing in alternating directions with hundreds of motos weaving in and out of the metal mass. I hang on for dear life and clinch my metaphorical bible on this one.

Nevertheless, I usually make it to work on time, albeit sweaty and somewhat deranged, but always thankful. For the first two hours I look extremely busy, when in fact I am doing absolutely nothing constructive. Then it hits me. Pangs, not pangs of hunger, but pangs of having to take a massive shit.

I've always been disappointed with my bodily functions. I would prefer to take a dump in the privacy of my own abode. However, my biological clock will not allow me the pleasure of privacy and the privilege of using an Asian ass washer. It's like it takes my bowels two hours to warm up.

My choice of dump locations is entirely contingent upon what I consumed the night before. If it's sushi, then I use the public toilet with the much higher grade toilet paper that is specially suited for mud dumps. If its a highly fibrous food, then the staff restroom with a much more coarse grain of TP is acceptable.

Although, not preferred, because someone once turned out the lights and I had to wipe my ass while holding a lighter. After the duty is done, I have a cup of coffee, and pretend to work some more. I can't say this routine is that bad, it makes the work days go quickly, bringing on the debauchery laden weekends with surprising speed.

Reds' Flossin New Stealth Jet

Our Ushanka clad friends have tested an advanced fighter jet designed to match the capabilities of the F-22.

This test comes amid reports that Field Marshall Gates has sacked the dude in-charge of the F-35 program.

This also comes amid news of the anti-missile missile test fail. These Pentagon failures are a direct result of having an African American President, according to Pat Robertson.

Jesus's Fury with Voodoo

Jesus was angry with Haiti because of its ongoing relationship with Voodoo. Several inside sources close to the deity, including the esteemed Pat Robertson, remarked that the magnitude 7.0 earthquake which destroyed the country was caused by Jesus's fury over the penchant for ritualistic practices.

Haiti, the poorest country in the Western hemisphere, remarked "Obviously, conversion to state sponsored Christianity is the only way we can follow in the spiritual footsteps of the United States and prevent catastrophes like this in the future."

Jesus could not be reached for comment, although it is widely speculated that he is planning natural disasters in Holland, Thailand, Brazil, and any nation that promotes freedom of expression.

More Signs of the Climate Apocalypse

Japanese fishing industry stung by plague of giant jellyfish - Times Online