Jesus was angry with Haiti because of its ongoing relationship with Voodoo. Several inside sources close to the deity, including the esteemed Pat Robertson, remarked that the magnitude 7.0 earthquake which destroyed the country was caused by Jesus's fury over the penchant for ritualistic practices.
Haiti, the poorest country in the Western hemisphere, remarked "Obviously, conversion to state sponsored Christianity is the only way we can follow in the spiritual footsteps of the United States and prevent catastrophes like this in the future."
Jesus could not be reached for comment, although it is widely speculated that he is planning natural disasters in Holland, Thailand, Brazil, and any nation that promotes freedom of expression.
"The most dangerous man, to any government, is the man who is able to think things out for himself without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane and intolerable, and so, if he is romantic, he tries to change it. And even if he is not romantic personally he is apt to spread discontent among those who are." -H.L. Mencken
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