Why You Should Admire Richard Nixon

Amidst the recent news that LBJ believed Nixon was sabotaging Vietnam peace talks shortly before the 1968 Presidential election – let’s just say that tricky Dick’s legacy as a crook, traitor, and all around vile human being has been sealed.

However, I feel that Nixon was in fact the archetypal American political animal – one in which much of Washington’s current political scum take cue – and one that you too should admire and emulate if you want to be a powerful business man or politician in the modern United States.

Here’s why:

Political prowess – Nixon was not one to be fucked with. If you crossed him you were sure to end up on his enemies list. Yes, he had a fucking enemies list. Not quite as hardcore as Obama’s Disposition Matrix – but scary nonetheless. If you’re an aspiring Wall Street Banker or Congressman, then you should already have one – if not – get to work.

Ruthlessness – The genocidal acts carried out by Nixon during Operation Menu and much of the Vietnam War will forever echo in the annals of history as proof of the existence of Satan. But his ruthless and decisive decision making at the time are characteristics you’ll have to master if you want to get to the top.

Whatever it takes attitude – If you’re not willing to break some laws or some necks during your climb to the top of the mountain of power – then you’d better stay at home. Nixon – as we all know – was all too willing to do a little of both. Just make sure you don’t get caught.

So, there you have it – want to make it big in America? Then you’d better leave your morals and soul at home and do your best impression of our vaunted 37th President.