Ever since Edward Snowden exposed the true depth of the NSA’s surveillance
programs – there have been
numerous movements to
counter these threats to privacy. Signing petitions, emailing your local representative,
and voicing your outrage on twitter are all great outlets – but I have a few
tips that are 100% guaranteed to protect your online privacy.
1) Instead of emailing, calling, or texting someone who lives in your
city – why not meet them in person and have a face to face conversation?
2) If you can’t meet someone in person – email, call, or text them. You
probably have nothing interesting enough to say that would warrant the NSA’s suspicion
anyways.
3) Continue to use social media as you would normally. Eventually, the
NSA’s
massive data center in Utah will become so inundated with selfies, pictures of your children, and your dinner that its servers will reach capacity and cease to function. Problem solved.
4) Communicate purely in emoji and
LINE
stickers. It’s not as if you had anything that requires the use of words and
compound sentences to communicate anyways.
5) Write on a piece of paper and mail it. Perhaps the most
controversial of all my suggestions – writing a letter is a fool proof way to
throw off the NSA data scientists that are hot on your trail.
Of course, I could also include the use of carrier pigeons
and smoke signals – but as mentioned – you’re probably not saying anything
interesting enough to pique the interest of the NSA anyways – so no need to
resort to such drastic measures. Plus, all the content you’ve willingly given
to Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Google will end up in the hands of those corporate
mega conglomerates regardless of your privacy settings – so take solace in
knowing that your communications are trivial to pretty much anyone not trying to
sell you that new scent of underarm deodorant.